she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
