My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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