I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
