Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
