bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
