I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
