Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i think i just lost a toe
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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