I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't deserve a penis
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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