you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
