a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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