Have you finally orgasmed yet?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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