The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
