Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
