dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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