this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i out mim tonsoeep
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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