I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Text me some of your sweat
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
