If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
