There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
