I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
