Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
