He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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