its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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