Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
