george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
