This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
