Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
