She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
