Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
