My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
