Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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