just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
