Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
