This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
