We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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