I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
home. puking in laundry basket.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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