You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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