is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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