Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
