All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
