He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
