I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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