I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
