These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
