You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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