Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
