I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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