just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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