but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
