I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
