It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
