So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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