she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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