I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
