remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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