Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
