My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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