They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Everything about him screamed your future.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
