my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
