forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
