I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You ruined the universe
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
