yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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