I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
