he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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