Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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