I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
