why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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