when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize