i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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