My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
