I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
