Can Purell be used as lube?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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