if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
