I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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