you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
