1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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