I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
