Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
